Some More of the Thinking Thing

Sometimes, you have to wear an old, soft & worn loose shirt, put on a pair of fluffy socks, and turn on your fairy-lights. Wrap yourself up in a blanket under the soft golden glow of your tapestry and create for yourself the kind of environment that warms more than just your body.

Because sometimes, other people leave your life, and suddenly, it’s your own responsibility to help yourself rise from the darkest days. Alone and on your own. There is some fear around needing to do that. And there is also a lot of power.

The Moon Taught Me I’m Lucky

I was feeling sort of small and insignificant just then

From the Moon and Stars

Dear Dark Night, 

You don’t give yourself the credit you deserve. Sunshine, for some reason, equates to happiness (they call it “sunniness”) in the world we live in. People crave light. People see themselves in the daylight. It reassures their insecure selves.

How powerful you must be, dark night, for you make me feel beautiful when I cannot see myself, by only whispering into my head what I look like to you. You make me feel like magic.

Dear Dark Night,

You’ve taught me to make sense of the mess I am to create the matchless constellations that fascinate people so. 

Dear Dark Night,

Thank you for teaching me that sometimes it’s okay not to shine. And that never should the sun’s shining make me feel unimportant or irrelevant. I have to come back graceful, brighter, and more divine and know that I’m worth everything when the sun isn’t.

Dear Dark Night, 

Thank you for knowing to summon the clouds for me to hide behind whenever I needed. And for convincing me I must come back each time, because I am needed.

Dear Dark Night,

Thank you for coaxing me out of my retreat every time my flickering threatened to die out. I’m so lucky I can be confident that our love means you would be dull in my absence. Your sky would be less well-lit. I couldn’t ever do that to you.

Dear Dark Night,

You’re always there when I am, and I am ever so grateful for that. Your constant presence in my life comforts when I feel lonely, for you ensure that I’m never really alone.

Dear Dark Night,

Never doubt that you’re beautiful. Exquisite. Truly denightful. Never feel like no one sees you. You are not an absence. You are not a substitute for the sunshine when it needs to rest. You are irreplaceable and capable of things I, and everyone else, can only depend on you for.

Dear Dark Night,

You are, after all, what makes the moon and stars worth looking at.

Love,

Your Moon and Stars.

Angel

There are ten million people in the city tonight
And one angel.
Touching souls,
Plotting promises of good days to come
Where screams once painted sleepless nights.
“Everything will be okay, honey.”

“I won’t ever recover from this.”
Broken shards of glass
Still shine in the light.
Still can be picked up and
United to reflect the colours of your dearest dreams.
Don’t give up.
You have to win.

“Okay, I want to.
But isn’t zero worth more than a minus thousand?”
Every life is a pile of good things and bad things, he says.
The good things don’t always soften the bad, 
But the bad things don’t spoil the good.
It isn’t a minus thousand.
It’s a hundred, and a minus five, and a seven, and a minus thirty.
Numbers are your friends.
Zero isn’t worth anything.

“I no longer believe that there exist good things.
I can’t think of any; there must not be any.”
If you stare at the sky long enough, he teaches,
You begin to see the stars.

“I see them now,” I realize, in awe.
He smiles at me until my smile is no longer under my own control.
The angel that lit up my life.

Love,
Ta-treyi.
8/1/17

The Dark Night

​Sunshine brings life, yes, but
I seek shadows for comfort when I’m alone.

Scars shine in the moonlight.
It’s thunderstorms that conceal my tears
Hide the stars, cloak the moon, 
Eclipse all light
So no one stares
As they weep with me,
Flashing lightning in snatches
To illuminate my grateful smile.

People think of these as mere absences,
But silence is a saviour
From all my commotion, and

The dark night is, after all,
What makes the moon and stars worth looking at.

-Maitreyi

http://apod.nasa.gov/apod/ap160214.html

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Starry Sky

My Angel, I smile
As my closed eyes fly open; this time
In colourful dreams –
The nightmares never come.

Because should I awaken with
the ghost of my scream from last night on my lips,
I know you’ll be there
Whispering it’s okay, hush, it’s okay

And maybe you’ll listen to me sleep,
Watching over me with your warmth,
A moonbeam in the gloom.

Mon ciel étoilé,
My starry sky.

Rien n’est éternel, mais notre amitié est pour toujours et à jamais.

Love,
Ta-treyi.

The Starry Sky

http://apod.nasa.gov/apod/ap140830.html

It’s Raining

It’s raining. My side of the sky right now is grey, dark grey. It was orange and pink before. Actually, I can’t see much anymore because it’s foggy here, and raining pretty hard – my vision is blurry. It’s really cold and wet and I can feel the wind this time, it’s coming from the right side! Do you feel it too? Is there wind on your side? The clouds are almost pink and there’s crying lightning every other minute but I don’t hear it, there’s no thunder.. that’s strange

Oh god, I’ve managed to lock myself in the balcony again. I can’t get in! Hang on, it’s, like, jammed. Ugh.
Ah yes. Hello? Got in. You know, I tried playing the piano earlier this evening but I couldn’t hear myself, the rain was so loud! But it’s okay- favourite sounds here.

I’m sitting in my favourite place now and tracing the shaky, almost hesitant, path of the raindrops on the glass with my finger. It’s just drizzling now and I’m feeling nearly as weak as the rain sounds. I can see lights all over the city, there’s yellow and blue and red and white and pink and green and orange. That mall, I can actually see tiny people on the escalators through the glass facing me. There’s a woman getting out of her car on the ground floor. She’s going to have to run to her block- she’s covering her head with her dupatta! I don’t know why I’m cracking up. God I’m weird. Sorry.
The reflection of my fairylights on my window when I switch them on is so pretty! I’ll show you a picture. I could sit here forever, really. I love this weather so much.

My side of the sky is great, it’s comforting me today. How about yours?

I took these. Okay, I should probably go now.

Let’s do this when it rains again.

Night.