- riding alone on the shuttle or the T, watching the lights of the city and the stations flashing past, being rocked to sleep on my way back home, my fingers numb from the cold
- shifting in my bed and pushing up against the pillow behind my back, cocooned in my soft blankets in the morning and in the middle of the night
- every time i nearly pick up two spoons with a plate of dessert that’s big enough that you know it’s meant for two people
- sitting in the common room with my over-sized jacket or sweater covering my body like a blanket as i study
- each time i take a picture of my face, but also that i hardly ever do anymore (no one asks)
- clear nights, dark, quiet nights, when the suburbs grant me a few hours with the moon and with the stars and with the special kind of silence that comes with watching them
- falling sick and feeling too weak to look for meds and to bring water up to my room and to take care of myself
- every confusing math problem i’m able to solve step by step, every sigma symbol, the way neither of those things scare me anymore
- western classical music and what it does to my heart
- the idea of actually being alone in my room in the middle of the night
- my $15 Dunkin gift card and the fact that there is one single Krispy Kreme outlet in the entire state of Massachusetts
- the view from the spot near Hillel, the view from Tisch roof, the view from my room, the view of the sunset while running to Aidekman at 4:30 knowing i’m late
- taking walks, crunchy leaves, crunchy snow
- the fourteenth of february, its loudness, and the way i don’t feel the need to shut it out
Sometimes, you have to wear an old, soft & worn loose shirt, put on a pair of fluffy socks, and turn on your fairy-lights. Wrap yourself up in a blanket under the soft golden glow of your tapestry and create for yourself the kind of environment that warms more than just your body.
Because sometimes, other people leave your life, and suddenly, it’s your own responsibility to help yourself rise from the darkest days. Alone and on your own. There is some fear around needing to do that. And there is also a lot of power.