Vanilla Bites

1. riding alone on the shuttle or the T, watching the lights of the city and the stations flashing past, being rocked to sleep on my way back home, my fingers numb from the cold
2. shifting in my bed and pushing up against the pillow behind my back, cocooned in my soft blankets in the morning and in the middle of the night
3. every time i nearly pick up two spoons with a plate of dessert that’s big enough that you know it’s meant for two people
4. sitting in the common room with my over-sized jacket or sweater covering my body like a blanket as i study
5. each time i take a picture of my face, but also that i hardly ever do anymore (no one asks)
6. clear nights, dark, quiet nights, when the suburbs grant me a few hours with the moon and with the stars and with the special kind of silence that comes with watching them
7. falling sick and feeling too weak to look for meds and to bring water up to my room and to take care of myself
8. every confusing math problem i’m able to solve step by step, every sigma symbol, the way neither of those things scare me anymore
9. western classical music and what it does to my heart
10. the idea of actually being alone in my room in the middle of the night
11. my $15 Dunkin gift card and the fact that there is one single Krispy Kreme outlet in the entire state of Massachusetts
12. the view from the spot near Hillel, the view from Tisch roof, the view from my room, the view of the sunset while running to Aidekman at 4:30 knowing i’m late
13. taking walks, crunchy leaves, crunchy snow
14. the fourteenth of february, its loudness, and the way i don’t feel the need to shut it out