Reasons To Stay Alive

Best friends. Paperclips. Post-its. Piano. To travel. Purple notebooks. To learn to play the violin. And the cello. Paper Valentine’s roses. The smell of vanilla. Stars. Sunlight. Sunrises. Sunsets. Clouds. Paperclip hearts. Rain. Music. Cats. Dogs. Math. Cheesecake. Strawberry cheesecake ice-cream. To ice-skate. Doughnuts. Krispy Kreme. Emails. Octopuses. Shooting stars. Blogs. The moon. The night. Peanut butter and banana milkshakes. Nutella crepes. New York City. Brown University. Paul Rudd. Matt Haig. Pool Jump. Trust Fall. Pancakes. Hiking. Drama. Tents. Mangoes. Summer. Loose tees. Black tees. Adam Sandler movies. Shoes. Listening. Lele Pons videos. The smell of laundry. The smell of ironed clothes. Drive-in cinema. Leg-haemoglobin. Bubble wrap. Plastic ruler rainbows. Thunder. Lightning. Dark nights. Lists. Petrichor. Dew drop sundaes. Camp. Karl von Frisch. Banana fritters. Bathrooms. Thermocol. Skipping stones. Perfect Day. Rare gems. To visit the Roseville Cemetery. Autumn colours. Cheese fondue and chocolate fondue. Tiles. Knees. Flyovers. Rubber bands. Sangria. Dawn. Hair getting in people’s way. Fairylights. Wooden flooring. Wedding rings. Wedding gowns. Arguments. Construction sites. Making notes. To set foot in Antarctica. The length of this post. Spanish accents. Yellowing newspaper articles. Shiny things. Polaroids. Ravioli. Pizza. 12 AM. Saying “It’s tomorrow”. Tea plantations. Exclamation marks! Tummies. Mumma’s sandwiches. Black ink. Lighthouses. Bubbles. Massages. Harry Potter. Cards. Neon lights. Birthdays. Letters. Kisses. Hugs. Movie-like hugs. Books. New books. Old books. Feeding animals in the zoo. Bathroom singing. Turtles. Holding hands. White sauce pasta. Mud. The smell of furniture. Packing. City lights. Brown paper packages. To drive an auto. Baking. Frisbees. Lab coats. Flight take-offs. Aeroplane views. Biscuit factories. Helicopters. Cruises. Bokeh effect. Straight collars. Capital letters. Gardening. Words. TV shows. To visit Bali again. Surfing. Tiger. Crushes. Peeling stickers off perfectly. To name my future dog Pig. Dreams. Ukuleles. The word negligible. Pebbles. Formaldehyde. Lullabies. To clean my cupboard. Puffed-up cheeks. Kiwi. Selfies. That church in Lyon. Ice-cream sandwiches. Visits from friends in the UK. Windows. Forehead kisses. Kinetic theory. Drawing on my back. Phone calls. Chopin. Sarees. Food at Indian weddings. School. Blurry photos. Mitochondria. Whining. Crying. Biomolecules. Last days. First days. Bridges. Castles. Analog watches. British accents. Reese Witherspoon. Emma Watson. Underwear in solid colours. Driving. The Northern Lights. South Korea. To meet Chris. Puerto Vallarta. Wives. Husbands. Secret admirers. Flames. Curly hair. Chocos. Diaries. Small bottles. Folding clothes. Dolls. To earn a license to cook pufferfish. Miniature things. Music boxes. Cheese frankies. Schubert’s Serenade. Bus rides. Hugs. Hugs. Snow. Oversized jackets. Warm fingers. Sweat. Sea shells. 10 rupee coins. Falling asleep to the sound of waves. Falling asleep. Swingsets. Spell bees. Head-pats. Pillows. Blankets. Lanterns. Docks. Umbrellas. Lame jokes. Tea with Parle-G. Needing to update this list multiple times. Margot Robbie. Ionic Equilibrium. Angels. Shoulder blades. Red velvet cupcakes. Hearts. Cake pops. Tiny tattoos. Twix. Sketches. Paint. Elastic collisions. m&ms. In the bathtub. Brown m&ms. Trophies. Medals. Smiles. Real smiles. Lip-biting smiles. Glass factories. Coconut ice-cream with roasted cashew nuts. In a coconut shell. 7. 13. Marbles. Monday mornings. College research. Views. Lakes. Disney. Walks. Parks. Footpaths. Cheese quesadillas. Magic. Chalk. Wax statues. Reflections. Mitosis slides. Socks. The blue dress from Cinderella. Poetry. Because the other option isn’t flexible. Pop Tarts. Giggles. Pollax pens. Puffcorn. Being right. Feeling loved. Scribbling over sigma symbols. Skipping. Romantic Era music. Quotes. Old sheet music. Bedsheets. Cycling. Colouring books. Baby photos. Sandcastles. Cream cheese frosting. Radha. Terraces. Ladders. Diwali. Otsukimi. Kyoto. Ramen. Maggi. Notebook shopping. Girls in shorts. Alex Turner. Elaine Bradley. Slide-making. Video games. Linguistics. China Cove. White wallabies. Subway cookies. Train tracks. Melting crayons. Laughing. Melted chocolate. Dark chocolate. Wristbones. Lemon lava cakes. Starry skies. Candlelight dinners. Love. Darkness. Light-ness. Bad things. Good things. A lot of things.

One Year 

Some time in October last year, the Maitreyi I was decided to start writing a blog (she was acing her language classes in school and was getting to be a little cocky and decided that her writing should be read by more than just her English and French teachers). She wanted everything to be perfect. On narrowing her site options down to WordPress and Blogger, she quickly realized WordPress was far easier to use (I say quickly, but really, the idiot spent a week trying to adjust header images and font sizes till she finally managed to achieve them on WordPress; she was hopeless with gadgets). She was proud of her blog name (caprice: the tendency to change, by the way) and her chosen colours were pleasant enough.

About two weeks later and exactly one year ago, she published her first post.

A tiny celebration now, please (brace yourselves for some numbers), because I made it to 17 posts, over a 100 followers in all, nearly 3000 page views from about 25 different countries, 1500 visitors, 180 likes, 210 comments and several new blogger friends in a year (you may start clapping now). I owe people who bothered commenting on my posts for encouraging me to write in the beginning enough that I was almost always itching to publish another post (and hence, the 40 drafts that still wait). I’m also going to take this opportunity to apologize to the three bloggers who’ve nominated me for my first few challenges ever. I’m incredibly sorry I’m months late and I feel horrible about it and I promise I’ll finish them when I get the time.

Now, I remember there was this day in January earlier this year on which I got super excited about my birthday (which is on November 3, yes). For some reason, I didn’t stop myself from childishly imagining how good a day it would be owing to the fact that I have the best friends in the world and they’d made my 15th a Patronus Memory. I also realized how different I’d probably be. I would’ve gone through my grade 10 board exams (which, laughably, were the biggest, most major set of problems I then thought I’d face in my life; god, we made such a huge deal out of those cute little exams), an entire semester of 11th grade, half a year without some friends I’d made, half a year under a new piano teacher, moving out of the house I’d lived in for the last 9 years and just so many hours and days and people and experiences. In July, after writing my first UT, I decided that my First Semester Examination of Grade 11 would be the largest obstacle I’d ever have to overcome, and that by the end of those two weeks, I would’ve changed as a person (I know that sounds very dramatic, but you’ll only find it annoyingly so if you haven’t written yours yet). And I was right. My eye power has increased, ugh. 

A month or so ago, I came across evidence that proved that Maitreyi from January thought right. You know those personality quizzes people take for fun (when they should really be studying for that really important math test the next day)? A close friend of mine had me take one last year and my results were, according to me, pretty accurate. Extraverted, observant, heart over head, among others. When another friend linked me the same quiz a year later, I didn’t expect my personality to have become all that different, so as the results page loaded, I was prepared only to see those familiar words again. On seeing a diminished Extraverted and expanded Intuitive bar, however, I was convinced that the software had messed up, somehow. How could it be that off?! When I read about that particular personality type, though, I soon found myself nodding vigorously at the screen before me. I’d literally switched extremes, because I remember relating to the type I got a year ago almost as much as I did this one. 

Having lived only nearly 16 years, this change over a single year seemed major. I’d count going from 2015-Maitreyi to 2016-Maitreyi to be pretty significant right now. When I’m 60, though, I will have experienced so much that a silly difference in quiz results over a year as a teenager would be a memory long -forgotten, for there will be others of decidedly greater importance, like moving to a new country, getting married and working a job. Me pre-marriage and other things would have a life quite different from me post them. I would’ve undergone so many changes in personality, albeit minor ones, over the years that I will refer to younger Maitreyis from different decades ago, rather than years in my stories. 

The quiz caused me to really give how we change as people a thought. It threw me off at first, but now I’m glad I realized it early enough that I can almost watch myself as I grow. I’m making that possible through posts on my blog that record and recognize these changes- ones that have taken place, ones that I anticipate, and ones that may never happen at all.