Listening to a person who’s angry with someone else secretly scares me. Sometimes, the things people say about others in a moment of rage are so severe, their reactions so violent and aggressive, it frightens me! No matter who it is. It’s scary because then I wonder- what do they say when they’re angry with me? How extreme are some people about me, because I know I’ve really pissed off some people big time?
Forget that they swear. It doesn’t count. That’s just them expressing their annoyance; that’s the purpose of swear words. Everyone uses them and they don’t actually mean anything (unless the people in question ordinarily abide by some sort of saint-like never-swear rule, then it’s something real). But the truly hurtful stuff- wishing for someone to die, cursing them with a life of troubles, blaming them for stupid irrelevant incidents and so many unspeakable things? I am so pained by such words spoken about anyone, God forbid they’re said with reference to me too often.
This bitterness is a deadly emotion and I’m learning to curb it. It’s tough to at times though, so I think I’ve found a way to better the consequences. Basically, I do get angry a lot sometimes but I’d rather just be open and come out with it than vehemently bitch to someone else. That’s the only way to progress from a dispute. Having been the listener of several bitching sessions, I’m now too conscious to say horrid things about people behind their backs. If I have before, I’m sorry. I’m better than that now. The fear of others thinking, feeling and expressing such things about me keeps me from doing the same to others. I’ve become really frank. I may have said possibly (okay probably) displeasing things to people’s faces at times. But that’s because I’ve thought it, heard it from others too, and think it’s unfair that horrible things are being said about people who don’t know or realise what they’re doing wrong because hey, no one had the guts to tell them.
“Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.” -Ambrose Bierce. However, informing someone about actions or words of theirs that displease you can be done without coming off as cruel and rude. Wait for that fury to die out and calmly mention whatever it is.
Other than the occasional case wherein I ignore someone just to show them how hurt I am (petty, I know, but we all do it), I bring problems up, I talk them out. I ask of the other person to bluntly inform me if I’ve erred in any way. How else can I expect myself or someone else to improve as a person? How else can a fight be resolved, how else can a just conclusion be drawn? How else can I prevent the recurrence of such a complicated situation? There might be a million real reasons something went wrong, but I’d remain ignorant of them all and my anger would build up inside of me and ruin my day, all because I was too afraid, too cowardly, too egoistic to bring it up.
“Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.” -Gautam Buddha. That’s not really okay.
I know that how things end up will vary depending on how the person you’re bluntly confessing to is. Some might be too sensitive to take it as constructive criticism or too aggressive to inform you why they think you’re wrong nicely. But it’s worth giving it a shot because you’re recognizing and admitting what’s on your mind and how you feel; your opinion’s been made clear. Now it’s up to the other person concerned to make it or break it.