Facts.

I don’t keep myself busy enough, I think. And that’s why I think. Over-think.

In between cramming useless dates relevant to an English poet named Lord Byron who went to war and later died of a fever (1824), and calculating how many trees Grades I to XII of some school planted, I do take a break. I look around the same room I’ve been looking at for over 8 years now (okay, not the same, my mum did renovate in 2011) and maybe think things I’ve thought often before and maybe realize the dullest of facts.

The first thing my gaze wanders to is a Basket of Memories I keep in the corner of my table so I can look at it as often as possible. In fact, I’ve grown so used to seeing it that without it, my study table would look naked to me. Bare, empty. Just like my life would be without the people who made me that basket for my birthday, and a few more. They’re the ones I could rely on when I need them, the ones I just have to call or text or meet or hug to feel better. My love for them and their love for me is a fact. And you’re allowed to take facts for granted, right?

But.. Is that true? I know I think so right now; it feels permanent, unquestionable, dependable. But. Tenth grade is only end-of-boards away from getting over. Except I won’t just be done with another academic year- I’m losing a whole lot of people I spent the last 13 years (all) of my school life with. The worst thing is, half the people who won’t be back next year don’t even know they’re leaving yet. We didn’t say Goodbye to half the people we should’ve said it to. And when that hit me- and it hit me hard- I realised that these people who I wish would make my forever may end up not being a part of my forever. I remember a friend telling me how this girl was his best friend ‘back in the 7th grade’ and only now do I understand how scary it is that she isn’t anymore, because that could be us in say two years. I will become someone who was a ‘best friend back in the 10th grade’ to someone I can’t imagine life without.

The Facts will change.

I’d forgotten about how until three years ago, I’d been close to giving up on making close friends. Every year until three years ago, at least one friend made it a rule to leave my life, whether it was to Singapore or the States, a different city or just a different apartment. And the friend would always be one I thought was a Fact of my life, until they suddenly weren’t. I’d begun to think it wasn’t worth it. Since the last three years, it’s been different, I’ve found friends who hold me together with love and loyalty, who’ve taught me otherwise. I haven’t had to worry about losing people for so long, that this last day of 10th grade was like a nasty slap on the face and the idea that I’m going to have to face the same thing at a whole new level again after 12th grade, and after my years at college, and every time a job transfer occurs, or if I move out of my apartment, left me feeling so helpless, I cried about having to eventually leave people I haven’t even met yet. Just imagine. There are entire Facts whose existence I am not even aware of, and I was crying about them.

The whole universe is built up through love and the grief of separation is inescapable. Got it. Won’t forget it. But that doesn’t mean I love my friends less now just to shield myself from the void I know they’re going to create later. I am crazy about my closest friends and I’m lucky that they know that. I want to learn as much as I can while I still have the fortune to be their best friend. I want to be a ‘best friend back in the 10th grade’ they will only remember fondly.

And as I sit thinking these cheerless things, knowing fully well I could mope all day, I figure I could at least learn from the nerd best friend to study seriously for my boards or from the genius boy to create a perfect timetable and stick to my schedule, or from the one who’s really glad about having got his phone taken away to do the same, or from the senior to be a tad more optimistic about the finals.

Thank you for putting up with my gloomy musing, and good luck to the ones who need it, especially those who realized only recently that February has just 29 days.

 

image

Facts.

 

Finem.

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16 thoughts on “Facts.

  1. Loved this thought process.

    Like

  2. I know I’m stalking. But wow.

    Like

  3. Very nice thoughts and very well presented. Remember meeting people and leaving them…its all temporary. Many times we meet people with a confirmation that we will leave them finally and then at times we leave them only to surely meet again. Its all a part of life. There is a learning in everything and you seem to be quietly and subtly observing it all and learning from every opportunity!

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thank you for taking your time out to comment! And yes, that’s true.

      Like

      • Indeed. For me personally, whoever that comes into my life, has made a difference whether they know it, wanted to or not. This happens because I personally try to learn something from everyone as I have the mentality that “Everybody is an expert in something. Even your enemies!” 😉

        Though I don’t really try to make enemies hah. Either way, another thing that I wanna share is that hey- It’s not necessary a “Out of our life” thing when someone leaves physically. Do you use FaceBook? You can use it to connect with your pals be it new or old! How incredible is that??

        I personally didn’t like FaceBook in the past because I had the mindset where it’s just for people who wants attention and “Trying to be cool” (When FB was the hype back then lol) so I didn’t use it till I tried and seriously, never regretted it.

        You see, when I first started using it, I felt like “This is stupid, I got nothing to write or post about, I don’t always take photos (No Instagram so everyone uploads to FB then) so what’s the point of me owning a FB account?

        It wasn’t until the people whom I’ve met in the past started adding me, and I got to see what they’ve been up to without having to talk to them- that I realize the potential and power it has in an individual’s life! I don’t post that much myself until recently when I’m using it a little more to communicate and share my thoughts. That means back then, I was a silent wallflower who’s kinda just catching up on my friends’ lives lol!

        And that’s fine! Why? Because ultimately, you are still in contact with your friends and family whom you may or may not think that you’ve lost contact with forever! I found LOTS of my ex school mates then and because of FB, we even got together for catching up sessions then. Awesome 😉

        So main point here? Just because someone is gone physically, it doesn’t mean that it’s a forever lost thing. As mentioned by Anonymous, you may bump into them one day and even become best friends then, who knows right? XD

        Anywho, nice post here bud. Rare to find like-minded souls like you so I’m glad to have met you on WP 😉

        Your pal,
        Benjamin

        Liked by 1 person

      • I left Facebook, actually, because I felt like I was spending way too much time on mindless scrolling and unnecessary chatting. You’re right though, I miss how easy it made it for me to find old friends and stay in touch with people I’d met at camp or during other trips.
        I’m probably going to keep my social networking as minimal as possible because I’d like really to focus on studying (which isn’t happening too well rn, but I’ll get there).
        Thanks for commenting!

        Liked by 1 person

      • Npm! Well hope you are able to discipline yourself better for it then. That’s one of the key factors to success in life, which I’m sure you already know so this is just a reminder 😉

        You are able to achieve great things if you keep your mind on it. Like how a world class soccer player keeps his eyes on the ball, don’t go losing it now!

        Let me know if you ever need any help 😉

        Your pal,
        Benjamin

        Liked by 1 person

  4. You are gifted….you are so bright…brilliant…and your “emotional intelligence” is ultra impressive! I can really appreciate your insights and thought process…very relatable! I love your posts….and, by the way, this did not come across as “gloomy” at all! As for over thinking, I do that as naturally as I breathe…as long as we can learn to move through the thoughts, and find ways not to spiral into a vortex of negativity, fear, worries, dreads–really wonderful things can result. Your post is case in point…thanks for sharing 🙂

    Liked by 3 people

    • “I do that as naturally as I breathe”. Put perfectly. I’m glad you appreciate and can relate to my writing :). And you’re right, this tendency to over-think can be as much of a strength as a weakness if done right!
      Thanks so much for this incredibly flattering comment, it made my day 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Tara Jaigopal

    so i’ve been sitting here reading through all of your posts this evening (night? there’s no concept of time in summer) and it just hit me that this is my life right now. school’s started for everyone else, and it keeps hitting me that i don’t go there anymore. and my facts of right now may not be my facts one year later.
    but i guess there’s no point dwelling on sadness when you can drown in gratitude. your writing reminded me that there are so many people i love. thank you for that.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yes, I did notice your stalking 😉 and I’m so grateful for it.
      I’m glad I’ve written something you could relate to. Losing our friends to time is nearly inevitable and it makes the whole concept of friendship so bittersweet, it hurts. But as my best friend likes to quote the 11th Doctor: Life is a pile of good things and bad things. The good things don’t always soften the bad, but the bad things don’t spoil the good.
      If you really think about it, every happy thing is a sad thing because it will have to end eventually, and friendship is one of those things. But we can’t let that take away how bear hugs, birthday surprises, and sleepovers with our favourite people can make us feel :’)
      Anyways, I wish you the best with your new school, and hope you use your summer well 🙂
      Good luck!

      Liked by 1 person

      • Tara Jaigopal

        Thank you so much! It means a lot to me that you wrote this. I’ve heard this quote but I can’t remember the exact words. It’s about how friendship, unlike all other relationships, is one of the purest and the most selfless things because all you’re getting out of it is company (if it’s the right kind of friendship, anyway) and that makes it so very very precious, even if it doesn’t last forever.
        Thank you!

        Liked by 1 person

      • That’s true. That’s perfectly true!
        I’m not exaggerating when I say I’m literally alive because of my best friends right now, and it blows my mind to think that all they got out of it was my company. And they wanted it. As much as I wanted theirs. And that’s all. That’s how simple and beautiful and complex it is :’)
        Have a nice week ^.^

        Liked by 1 person

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